Jeff Gannon, White House Slut

For those who despise reading about politics, just bear with me on this one: It's worth it. A couple months ago I was watching a press conference with Bush. Now Bush is not the brighest bulb in the drawer. When asked questions he is not prepared for, he usually blanks out like the stoned guy in algebra class. For instance, once a reporter asked if he had any "regrets" to which Bush froze up and eventually said "You know, I just -- I'm sure something will pop into my head here". Nothing ever did pop into his head. Nothing is in his head. That said, you shouldn't be suprised that Bush pays reporters to ask him easy questions. Take reporter Jeff Gannon, for instance. This guy was a no-name writer at two unheard of websites called GOPUSA and Talon News, yet he seemed to have an "all access" pass to the White House. Gannon seemed to get entry to the White House whenever he wanted, and he would always get picked by Bush during press conferences to ask questions like "Democrats are divorced from reality -how are you going to work with them, Mr. President?". Eventually, people got fed up with Gannon. His connections to the White House -including that he was being paid- began to surface in the blogosphere. Then suddenly the Holy Grail of anti-Bush blogging was discovered: Jeff Gannon's real name was James Guckert, and he was a military-themed, Washington DC area gay prostitute. Obviously, this was the end of Jeff Gannon, GOPUSA and Talon News. But the best part is that this Bush Press Mole got truly Whacked by the Bloggers. To them I say "Respek"- good whacking. To see shots from Gannon's now defunct porn/prostitution websites, including HotMilitaryStud.com, click here, here, here and here. Word. Get at me blog. Don't forget about this though.

Off Tha Earth featuring Flechette, Altitude and MC MLXXIX

Big up to Realistic Records for hosting the latest Botz trax. Listen to it here.

We bot the big one.

This weekend was unruly. On Friday night the Botz were at it again, laying down tracks for a brand new Botz hit called "Off tha Earth". This song is the first song on our new album, Botzanova -coming out this spring. Featuring Altitude, Flechette and myself, this shit is going to cause major stir in the rap world. By now you are probably asking yourself: "Bot how can I listen to Off tha Earth?" Don't worry. We are working on it. The song is so hot it literally melted my keyboard. Check back in the next 24 hours. For now, listen to this hype shit.

Why I need a new alarm clock

The other day I had one those mornings where I glanced over at my "Realistic" brand early 80s clock radio with simulated wood and had no choice but to rip it from the wall and hurl it into the ground, exploding it instantly into about 53 pieces. This felt good except ever since I have used my cell-phone alarm to wake up. Now, using your cell-phone as an alarm clock requires that you leave it turned on, not on silent, all night. If you appreciate sleep, this can be a problem. Take last night, for instance. Last night a Breakpoints contributor, who shall remain anonymously Bot Broadus, called me about 4-6 times between midnight and 2:OO am. Here is the official transcript of the messages he left:

Message No. 1:
"Breakpoints, Motherfucker makes points, When I come through I be like a snake, when I annoint....to the Charmer, Motherfuckers know I be the DC Bomber, You can't get more calmer than Mo, I be like embalming fluid on ho's, making them smoke...my dick up their nose.......[UNINTELLIGIBLE]............."

Message No. 2:
".................[UNINTELLIGIBLE]............."

Message No. 3:
"......[UNINTELLIGIBLE].............[GRAPHIC].................."

Message No. 4:
"........I'm watching a midget play ping pong.....Fuck that shit, I will lay a fat chick tonight, that is my way, my dick is.....[UNINTELLIGIBLE].............[UNINTELLIGIBLE & GRAPHIC]..............[UNBLOGGABLE]........."

Jagger/Richards Memory Loss Watch Alert

This blog also reports anytime Mick Jagger or Keith Richards' memory loss is mentioned in the press. It seems the two Stones rockers have forgotten years of their lives, with Keith literally not recogizing ever haven't worked on certain albums. This is not because they are old, its because they are awesome. Anyways, here is a recent tid bit featured in a story about P-Diddy not finishing his autobiography:

"Combs is not the first musician who failed to meet the deadline for delivery of his life's story. Years ago, Mick Jagger received a seven-figure advance to write his memoirs. He eventually returned the money, saying he couldn't remember anything of significance."

Harvey aka Lincoln's secretary

I would like to thank Flechette for posting that incredible photo of our friend Harvey standing next to Abraham Lincoln. Harvey is in Africa right now. Does anyone have a recent photo of him and/or his email address? He is probably being raped by a baboon as we speak. But I suppose that is better than being Gay-braham Lincoln's personal man-secretary. How about them Lincoln logz? Did you know that Frank Lloyd Wright's son invented Lincoln Logs? Did you?

Like, what is this?

Oh my God. We are sooooooo drunk! We just met some guy called T-Bot at the Local 16 bar and he is T-Hot~ ;) Anyways, he brought us to his mansion where he has a Cascading Chocolate Fountain. Hmmmmmmm. Before we become his personal chocolate-covered strawberries, he said we *had* to write on his blog. So here it is. Ok Byeeee!
-Paris & Krystal

Sandstorm

I didn't trip the fire alarm
I didn't cause any harm
But Sandy and me were naughty
And oh shit here comes the Maitre d'
I must flee this dorm
I need cover. I need a sandstorm

"Its just that I work with a bunch of monkeys"

Did anyone see this commercial during the Superbowl where the guy is the only human in an office full of monkeys? He is on the phone and he says "I apologize sir. I'll correct it myself. Its just that I work with a bunch of monkeys". Well its funny to me because I started this group blog and assumed that the other contributors would be able to handle the simple process of accepting the invitation, logging on, creating a profile, and contributing their thoughts with at least a slight appreciation for grammar. The results so far, like this fucking retarded post called "My images willnt internet", are truly, utterly pathetic. And imagine, these are the smart ones who were at least able to log on. I apologize. Its just that I work with a bunch of fucking monkeys.

Giving Birth to a blog

Honestly, I understand now how it feels to be a woman. This blog is like a baby with a giant-sized head that is lodged between my legs, screaming to come out. After hours of labor, though, I think it is finally here. We decided to call it Break Points after significant brainstorming. There was something magical about it. I am T-Bot, the administrator, or as altitude likes to call me, the Editor in Chief. Altitude is the newest member. He comes from a background in writing, having received a Masters from NYU. In fact, he just quit his job at a magazine to write for Break Points. So welcome on board, altitude! My background is more dynamic. I study international politics with a minor in mining. This is my old blog. I am quite tired today. Last night I had a party and it simply never ended. My last memory is holding onto the side of a moving car with some kind of snow board on my feet. I don't even think there was much snow on the ground either. Wow, imagine the friction! If anyone knows anything about the satanic symbols burned into my forehead, please email me.

Welcome to Break Points

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Tonight I am here to present to you the greatest achievement that the World, perhaps the entire Galaxy, has ever seen. Allow me to introduce you to Break Points, the official blog of The Botz.

---Applause----

Break Points is a culmination of insight reaching as far back as the dawn of time and as far forward as the end of the future. Through a digital army of Botz stationed in the 2005 metropolises of Washington D.C., Philadelphia, New Haven and New York, Break Points will ruthlessly dominate the Blogosphere whilst spreading its inherently glorious message. Break Points will offer literature, photos, music and art that in lightyears will be considered more Divine than what is known today as God. Enjoy.

PS: The other Botz need to pass an apptitude test first. They cometh soon.