Thursday, May 26, 2005

"Lost" Colon found

BREAKING///MUST CREDIT BOTZ THOUGHTZ///DEVELOPING...

Just in time for summer, a supposedly lost recording of the disco-funk powerhouse band Swollen Colon has been unearthed. The recording, reportedly of Colon's performance at the Cleveland Park Club in early summer 1996, was unearthed in a U-Haul box in University City, Missouri. Copies should leak onto the internet in time for Anna and Lilly's 25th Birthday celebration.

UPDATE: Listen to the tapes

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

iPodz

The last thing in the world I want to do is make this blog into an iPod forum. However, I will say they are great inventions except for the fact that they are programmed to break exactly when their warranties expire: about one year. Mine just celebrated its first birthday when it broke and became a really boring, white paperweight. But I found an even better use for it. I stuck it in the space between my ceiling fan and my ceiling. This has completely stopped the fan from wobbling when it's turned on. Just in time for the summer. Thank you Apple.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Who the Fuck does this Guy think he is?!!!

This bama has some valid points, but just on principle I think we should tie his nuts to the exhaust pipe of a 54 bus and drag him up and down 14th street for a couple hours. I'm gonna start a blog called, "Why I hate whiny little bitches who feel the need to tarnish the name of my hometown just because they're not cool enough to make their own lives enjoyable."

On a side bar, I saw Zell Miller on the Daily Show the other day. He's a crackhead. Anyway, he was talking about how the culture of Washington was so polluted with dishonesty and double-talk. No, THAT IS THE CULTURE OF THE COUNTRY AS A WHOLE! Maybe if assholes in Georgia and Texas (and the entire country, basically) stopped sending us dishonest, double talking wangs, DC culture would be a little more tolerable. These crackers have me riled up.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Buzz's Bitz: In Step With Drake Studebake

________________________________________

Age: 27

Gender/Ethnicity: Male/Caucasian

Citizenship: Dual United States/Britain

Location: Kabul, Afghanistan

Position: Senior Editor, Kabul Weekly

Recent Achievements: Published in Washington Post 5/17/05

Blog: A Sign The Color Red

Favorite Quote: "Afghanistan remains in a deep energy crisis"

When Drake rules the World, there will be a: drinking and driving lane on the beltway.
________________________________________
(c) 2005 Buzz's Bitz, Inc.

Monday, May 16, 2005

This Story is just plain wacky!

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Read about Washed Up Mute Piano Man......you won't believe this one!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

I like this


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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Barry White Gets Da Pussy

So in the summer of 1998 I did a summer writing program at Brown. I didn't learn anything about writing but I made out with some girls. I also made a bootleg Andre the Giant sticker with Barry White on it. I ended up meeting the guy who made all the Andre stickers in the first place. He was nice enough to drive me and some other sticker-makers to the creepy Giant warehouse. It was strange, because he shot up on the way to the warehouse, and we all got a bit bugged out. He said he was a diabetic. Now he has our sticker, among other bootlegs, on his web site. It looked like this:

I bought a t-shirt from him. I still wear it.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Arianna Huffington: Theiving Bitch!

Well it was bound to happen sometime. Some stupid socialite stole the idea behind Botz Thoughtz and is getting all the credit for it. Arianna Huffington just launched a new blog today that has multiple contributors, about 300 of them, from B-List actors to Neocon sonofabitch David Frum. They also report quasi-news, such as this supposedly breaking story about a Doomsday Device in Saudi Arabia set to go off if the country is invaded. I suppose the Saudis' theory is this: invade us and you can say bye-bye to the world's supply of oil and hello to your new future living in the movie Roadwarrior. Of course by the looks of things, Bush won't be invading Saudi Arabia anytime soon. Besides, the book is by the author of Case Closed: Lee Harvey Oswald and the Assassination of JFK....which summarizes that Oswald acted alone, an anti-conspracy theory which is complete hogwash in my opinion. I am getting away from my point. Arianna Huffington ripped off my idea and seems to be flourishing in it. Oh well, at least I'm not this guy.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Good News and Bad News from DJ Bot Wheaton

There is good and bad in all things. DJ Bot Wheaton is a living example of this. The good is that he'll be in DC this summer going to Nats games and making sure that good people get radio stations. The bad is that he's planning to release a solo record at the same time. Demo tapes of the planned first single, "2021314," have leaked out of the studio, and, unfortunately, they suck. Hopefully the finished product will be a bit better than this rough mix of the first third of that single.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Faking the Band

It's now eighteen hours after the fact and no doubt you all are still reeling from Puffy's decision to extend the casting process through another season and give only three hopefuls a pass to the next round. So what the fuck is his problem? He is a pathetic little man perched atop a rapidly crumbling empire. He is the same man who has signed a mixed-ethnicity boy band (featuring, among others, a five year old with no eyebrows) who sing about walking girls home after school and dancing on top of school buses. My advice for the next season of Making the Band 3: shoot yourself in the fucking head and save us all the frustration. I will continue this later with an in-depth analysis of the three survivors and more on Puffy's inability to close his mouth even when his face is resting.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Rolling Stones Tour???


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Apparently the Stones will be making a suprise announcement at the Juliard next week. Could it be an upcoming tour? Could Keith Richards look any more like a monkey? Could someone please tell me what last night's powerball numbers were?

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Weekend Botz Shotz coming soon

I've decided I am going to make this one of those blogs that posts a lot of photos. I took some Botz Shotz out in the Kuntry (Upperville, VA) last weekend. I also have some good ones at the Nationals game on Sunday night. At one point I tried to take a shot of a posse of girls who I was with, but as I reached for my camera I dropped my plastic Miller Lite bottle which landed perfectly straight on the ground. Due to some physics, all the beer shot straight upward like a Geyser and landed directly on the head of the man sitting next to me, a total stranger who I think may have actually been NY Times writer Paul Krugman. They were pretty good seats by the dugout. And we were playing the New York Mets. Hmmmm. If it was him, I apologize for the beer shower and I'd like to say that I like your op-ed pieces, but Bob Herbert continues to shit on all the competition. Look for Botz Shotz coming soon, and also more Botz music like this classic hit from 2005.