Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Wow. You still are checking Botz Thoughtz?

Ok. I know. Its been a long time. Botz Thoughtz has reached a level of inactivity that rivals that of a dead hamster. Well if you are looking for something to waste time on, check out my new blog, Politicking Timebomb. That is all. Goodbye.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Allright bamas. Listen up.

Shit is happening. They might open up Roy Rogers in DC again--lots of them. Paradise Liquor has been bought out for goddamn yuppie sushi. What's worse is that we will probably be the yuppies eating sushi there. REPENT! I just want you bamas and bamettes to know that while I have been very quiet in the blogosphere and with the exception of my main man Drake Sselter from Asign the Color Red, not one of ya'll has decided to pursue a single's career. That's cool and all. Just know that Washington is red hot although it just got ice cold and I am about to burst on the scene again like an orgasm that you purposefully held in for too long. Yes, feel free to imagine that. Its about to snow.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Thrown out of Paradise

I cry a jailhouse tatoo tear for Paradise Liquor, forced to move from it location at 14th and T, NW, by Bart Seaver's tony Cafe Saint-Ex and its fancy-pants seafood specials. From the WaPo front-pager:

The slow fade of the old 14th and T is underway. Engineers begin taking soil samples from church property. Cafe Saint-Ex, the trendy bistro that arrived two years ago, is hosting oyster night and Bastille Day night and is packing it in on weekends. Paradise Liquor on the other corner has less than two months left on its lease. Gone will be burglar bars that wrap around the doors like ominous orthodontia and the stale air of a package store that failed to change with the times.
***
"How you doin', Pop?" manager David Lee asks a man who is holding a pipe and a half-pint of gin.

"What they gonna do with this building?" Pop asks. "They trying to sell it?"

"I don't know. Why?" Lee asks. "You wanna buy it?"

In Paradise, where nothing is ever addressed directly, Pop knows he just got an affirmative answer. The Paradise building was bought last year for $900,000, and the new landlord is tripling the rent, forcing Paradise to move out when its lease expires.


Oh, well....

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I'm Back, Broke and it Ain't No Motherfuckin Joke!

Sorry for the lull. I just spent a month in the DC jail for aggravated assault of a Dallas Cowboys fan. I was supposed to be away for 10 months but the parole board let me out for good behavior. He said the assault itself was the good behavior. Now I'm just pickin up the pieces. I was thinking of standing around 7-11 until I found some work. Thank God that blogging is free. In what could be hours, my arch-nemisis Karl Rove is going to be indicted (possibly) on charges of treason against the United States of America. What a momentus moment for democracy will that be. For those who are fuzzy on this story, I will break it down: Karl Rove is George W. Bush's brain. Although he was not elected and does not read the State of the Union address, he is the President. I met him once. It was like meeting one of the Ringwraithes from the Lord of the Rings: pure evil and darkness. Anyways, Rove, along with Dick Cheney and his aid Lewis Libby, were busy in 2002 trying to deceive the American public into supporting an invasion of Iraq. The media had all but accepted their WMD fantasy until a diplomat named Joe Wilson came out in support of the truth. Like they did with others who dared reject their bogus claims, the Bush administration went into attack mode. In the midst of attempting to disgrace Joe Wilson, the secret identity of his wife, Valerie Plame, as a covert CIA agent was revealed. Apparently the punishment for attempting to stop the WMD bullshit machine is treason. If you believe truth, democracy, and the American way, TREASON will be committed against your wife and, of course, the United States of America, for whom she was trying to protect. The fact is that Joe Wilson was trying to protect America as well. He was trying to stop a rogue Neocon administration from deceiving the public into a war which we are now currently losing. How fitting that only yesterday was the 2000th US soldier killed in Iraq looking for the WMDs which were never there. Of course, that number does not include the badly wounded US soldiers, non-citizens in the military who were killed trying to get a green card, and of course the tens of thousands of Iraqis, including women and children. The fact is that Rove, Libby, Cheney and the all the Neocons need to pay the price for their crimes against America. These traitors deserve death...2000 deaths. Hopefully prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald is a true American with the balls to indict these sons of bitches. We shall see very soon. How great will Rove's mugshot look along side of Tom Delay's?

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Touchdown, Washington Redskins

Skins 14, Cowboys 13.

I shat myself and thought of bryce and then rocky.

I'm never going to wash my TV.

I mean, did you see that shit? As good as the fucking super bowl. The season is a success.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

An Intelligent Design for George W. Bush

Man Dies From Playing Video Games for 49 Hours

Hey, how did you know he was a Korean?

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Git along little doggie.

The old cowboy rides again.

Monday, August 01, 2005

In honor of the opening of Redskins camp...



Saturday, July 30, 2005

Kawasaki Ninja featuring Mikey Ling

Kawasaki ninja

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

New Blog on the Horizon

Hi, this new blog is being developed. It is called "The Opinionist" .
Check it out, holmes.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Willie, were you that boy?

Tommy,
I don�t know how to post articles on your blog, but I thought that this article might be worth an entry.
Love always,
Willie

T-ball coach allegedly paid to have boy hurt

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Fire Turd Blossom


Thursday, July 07, 2005

7/7/05



I guess these days you are supposed to defiantly wave your flag after a terrorist attack. Well, guess what bitches? I'm a dual-citizen. Besides, when else will I get to blog the Union Jack?

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The "Freedom" Tower

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I noticed Donald Trump was chirping the other day about how we should rebuild the Twin Towers. I agree. Isn't it the American way to get back up when are knocked down? In any event, I'm sure it will end up something like this above, the Freedom Tower. How 9/11, which gave us the Patriot Act and the Guantamano Bay and Abu Ghraib prisons is related to "freedom" I don't know. But what I do know is that the very people who I am deeply suspicious of being involved in that day, Dick Cheney and the Neocons, will no doubt use the Freedom Tower to further their goals of perpetual war in the Middle East. Oh well. It looks kind of cool.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

It's time to beat the drums of war against George W. Bush

Blog is my co-pilot. Bush's Watergate has begun. Thanks to bloggers, the first major hurdle has been leapt. This hurdle was the mainstream media's wall of silence on the Downing Street Memo. Papers like the Washington Post hoped to stop the story dead in its tracks by barely reporting it. After all, the Post supported the invasion of Iraq and called the intelligence on Saddam's Weapons programs "Irrefutable". Then came this bombshell from the memos which the bloggers wouldn't let go:

The intelligence and facts were being fixed around the policy.

There it was plain as day: -irrefutable- evidence that the Iraq policy was based on deception. And during the run up to war, rather than challenging the War Machine's claims, the Post jumped on the Neocon bandwagon. But alas, they have jumped off to a degree. They are finally running front page stories on the memos, just in time for Bush's speech tonight defending the War in Iraq. The Downing Street Memo is the clear path to the eventual impeachment of George W. Bush. --Just like the Neocons beat the drums of war against Iraq, so now should we be beating the drums of war against a president who clearly deceived the American public into an illegal, unwinnable occupation of a sovereign nation. The Founding Fathers were apt enough to foresee that such a treasonous violation of public trust might occur in the future. That is why they established the impeachment process. Will the Mainstream Media support this? Probably not. But it's time to listen to the Founding Fathers and tell the mainstream media to go fuck itself.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Pete's kid

This is the first picture of Peter Bauer's son.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

al-Qaida's $300 Billion Dollar Training Facility

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Hmmmm. Who'd ever have thunk it? The American military occupation of Iraq may not have yielded those magical Weapons of Mass Destruction, but it has accomplished something great: the world's largest, most advanced terrorist training ground....ever. That's right. The monkey bars the guys in Turbans were swinging on (remember those al-Qaida training videos) weren't enough for Bush and the Neocons. They felt our vague, external enemy required something more engaging: how about Iraq?

The urban nature of the war in Iraq means that combatants are learning how to carry out assassinations, kidnappings, car bombings and other kinds of attacks. Jihadists who survive will leave Iraq experienced in and focused on acts of urban terrorism.

Good job, Bush....you IDIOT! By the way, does anyone remember the Soviet occupation of Afghanistan in the 80s? Didn't that long, dragged out conflict eventually weaken and destroy the USSR? Well that is Bin Laden's plan. Iraq is a three-fold treat for the world's Most Wanted and Least Hunted terrorist. Not only is Saddam's secular (anti al-Qaida) government out of the picture, the occupation is bleeding the United States dry financially and militarily while simultaneously keeping al-Qaida skilled and ready to bring the war to us when we finally collapse. Wow. Exactly whose side is Bush on?

Friday, June 17, 2005

That gives a whole new meaning to the term "cock-fighting"

This is going to be one of those posts that is similar to the premise of Seinfeld: it's going to be about nothing. The fact is that I am hungover as fucking hell right now. Last night I drank tequila with Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds. It was classique. I am considering changing the font of this blog. Jakob Von Eichel has a musturd fetish. I need a new wallet. Bryce Fine is becoming a homeless man in three days. Yippee!!! I have nothing political to say. Fuck you. Internet nerds might be interested in this. Oh, I invented a new word:

stressure (noun)

It describes the feeling of stress and pressure combined. It's like being under pressure from stress. For instance: My parents are kicking me out of the house and I'm being sued by an Arab: I'm under a lot of stressure right now.

PS: Have you have heard rumors about July 4th? If not, then drop me a line. We don't mention such things in cyberspace.

Also, I changed my name to Chaboy.

Anyways, I love all of you. Holla at me.

Monday, June 13, 2005

A Lesson in Humility

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MCI Center, Washington DC

We could learn a lot from Mike Tyson these days. Bowing out of his fight Saturday night against Irishman Shane MacGowan, Tyson effectively ended his career as a professional boxer. But the Brooklyn-born, former pigeon tender has accepted defeat: "I don't have it any more. I've got the ability to stay in shape but I don't have the fighting guts any more. I realised that early in the fight. I'm sorry I let everybody down. I just don't have it in my heart anymore" he was quoted as saying. Tyson has already hinted at what is coming next: Missionary work. I have a better idea: Ambassador to the United Nations. Why? Because Tyson knows when to hold em, when to fold em and when to walk away, a skill that John Bolton certainly doesn't have. As a key hardliner in favor of invading Iraq, not to mention chief architect of the Weapons of Mass Destruction lie, Bolton is about the last person who should be top diplomat to the UN. Just this weekend, the US death toll in Iraq reached 1,700. That is 1,700 funerals of which Bush has attended none and 1,700 flag-draped coffins (sorry, those images are censored by the Pentagon). Support for the war is dwindling at home too. The Republican who came up with idea of calling french fries "Freedom Fries" to punish France for opposing the Iraq War has now made a dramatic flip-flop and is calling for US troops to come home from Iraq, admitting essentially that the war was a mistake. Imagine that. Vous pouvez dire que vous êtes désolé maintenant! That's French for "You can apologize now, you fucking twit!"

Oh, shit. The jury has a verdict in the Jackson Trial. Bush's lesson in humility will have to wait. I am predicting non-guilty on all accounts. We'll have to see.....

Thursday, June 09, 2005

"I'm going to gut you like a fish"

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Mike Tyson, you are a genius. Welcome back to Washington.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

TBS's pie in the sky.

TBS, who's feebly ostentatious motto is "very funny", is now touting a super sexy pie fight on some show called The Real Gilligan's Island. After the surge in people grabbing the beef after the notorious Carl's Jr. Hamburger's ad featuring bikini-clad Paris Hilton washing a car, Ted Turner must have realized that pissing off the Chrisitan Right sells. For one, it becomes news and that is free advertising. This appears to be the new style of guerilla media marketing. I don't see anything thong with it. I hope the feminazis don't put my balls in a clamp for this.

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Sunday, June 05, 2005

Check it

I just designed Stephanie. She costs $6,499.00 and has Brown Eyes, Asian Skin Tone, Trimmed pubes, face #8, hair #5, light eye liner, and apricot lips. Check it. Does anyone have like 6-7 grand they can spare?

Friday, June 03, 2005

A New Look

Fans of Botz Thoughtz may have noticed a few changes around here. Yup. We fired our old design staff and hired a whole new crew. They are from Bulgaria, work for $5.00 a day, and love to party. Check out our clock! Anyways, Botz Thoughtz is changing in many ways but we will always be bringing you the latest news, songs, and photos. That said, I am just waiting to get back some great new Botz Shotz to post soon. But you can contribute too. Botz Shotz is having it's first photo contest. Everyone's eligible. Just email me your photo and if yours is chosen it will displayed front and center (actually more to the left), and you will be awarded $5.00 (Dragomir, Pavel and Boyka: no pay for you that day) plus a custom-made Botz Thoughtz sweatshirt. Let's get snapping.

OK. I love you.

Sincerely,

Tenis

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Truth and Deceit

Today I am proud to launch Botz Thoughtz' new Opinion and Editorial section. Bob Herbert of the New York Times has kindly offered to write the first one. Bob will be discussing the Watergate Scandal and the parallels we are seeing (or should be seeing) today in the Presidency of George W. Bush. If you'd like to have your opinion published, send it via e-mail and it will be published. Take it away Bob...

Truth and Deceit
By Bob Herbert
Botz Thoughtz Contributing Editor

When he accepted the Republican nomination for president in 1968, Richard Nixon said, "Let us begin by committing ourselves to the truth - to see it as it is, and tell it like it is - to find the truth, to speak the truth, and to live the truth."
We've now learned, thanks to Vanity Fair, that a former top F.B.I. official, W. Mark Felt, was the legendary confidential source Deep Throat. I can't think of a better time to resurrect the Watergate saga.
The trauma of Watergate, which brought down a president who seemed pathologically compelled to deceive, came toward the end of that extended exercise in governmental folly and deceit, Vietnam. Taken together, these two disasters, both of which shook the nation, provided a case study in how citizens should view their government: with extreme skepticism.
Trust, said Ronald Reagan, but verify.
Now, with George W. Bush in charge, the nation is mired in yet another tragic period marked by incompetence, duplicity, bad faith and outright lies coming once again from the very top of the government. Just last month we had the disclosure of a previously secret British government memorandum that offered further confirmation that the American public and the world were spoon-fed bogus information by the Bush administration in the run-up to the invasion of Iraq.
President Bush, as we know, wanted to remove Saddam Hussein through military action. With that in mind, the memo damningly explained, "the intelligence and facts were being fixed around the policy."
That's the kind of deceit that was in play as American men and women were suiting up and marching off to combat at the president's command. Mr. Bush wanted war, and he got it. Many thousands have died as a result.
Even in Afghanistan, where the U.S. had legitimate reasons for going to war, the lies have been legion. Pat Tillman, for example, was a popular N.F.L. player who, in a burst of patriotism after Sept. 11, gave up a $3.6 million contract with the Arizona Cardinals to join the Army Rangers. He was sent first to Iraq, and then to Afghanistan, where he was shot to death by members of his own unit who mistook him for the enemy.
Instead of disclosing that Corporal Tillman had died tragically in a friendly fire incident, the Army spun a phony tale of heroism for his family and the nation. According to the Army, Corporal Tillman had been killed by enemy fire as he stormed a hill. Soldiers who knew the truth were ordered to keep quiet about the matter. Corporal Tillman's family was not told how he really died until after a nationally televised memorial service that recruiters viewed as a public relations bonanza.
Mary Tillman, Corporal Tillman's mother, told The Washington Post:
"The military let him down. The administration let him down. It was a sign of disrespect. The fact that he was the ultimate team player and he watched his own men kill him is absolutely heartbreaking and tragic. The fact that they lied about it afterward is disgusting."
At a press conference on Tuesday, President Bush, speaking about detainees who had complained of being abused, said they were "people that had been trained in some instances to disassemble - that means not tell the truth." Mr. Bush meant, of course, to say dissemble, which really means to deliberately mislead or conceal. Nevertheless, he knew what he was talking about. The president may have stumbled over the pronunciation, but he's proved time and again that he's a skillful practitioner of the art.
The lessons of Watergate and Vietnam are that the checks and balances embedded in the national government by the founding fathers (and which the Bush administration is trying mightily to destroy) are absolutely crucial if American-style democracy is to survive, and that a truly free and unfettered press (which the Bush administration is trying mightily to intimidate) is as important now as it's ever been.
There you have it in a nutshell. Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon, drunk with power and insufficiently restrained, took the nation on hair-raising journeys that were as unnecessary as they were destructive. Now, in the first years of the 21st century, George W. Bush is doing the same.
Congress and an aggressive press ultimately played crucial roles in bringing the truth about Vietnam and Watergate to light.
A similar challenge exists today. We'll see how it plays out.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

"Lost" Colon found

BREAKING///MUST CREDIT BOTZ THOUGHTZ///DEVELOPING...

Just in time for summer, a supposedly lost recording of the disco-funk powerhouse band Swollen Colon has been unearthed. The recording, reportedly of Colon's performance at the Cleveland Park Club in early summer 1996, was unearthed in a U-Haul box in University City, Missouri. Copies should leak onto the internet in time for Anna and Lilly's 25th Birthday celebration.

UPDATE: Listen to the tapes

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

iPodz

The last thing in the world I want to do is make this blog into an iPod forum. However, I will say they are great inventions except for the fact that they are programmed to break exactly when their warranties expire: about one year. Mine just celebrated its first birthday when it broke and became a really boring, white paperweight. But I found an even better use for it. I stuck it in the space between my ceiling fan and my ceiling. This has completely stopped the fan from wobbling when it's turned on. Just in time for the summer. Thank you Apple.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Who the Fuck does this Guy think he is?!!!

This bama has some valid points, but just on principle I think we should tie his nuts to the exhaust pipe of a 54 bus and drag him up and down 14th street for a couple hours. I'm gonna start a blog called, "Why I hate whiny little bitches who feel the need to tarnish the name of my hometown just because they're not cool enough to make their own lives enjoyable."

On a side bar, I saw Zell Miller on the Daily Show the other day. He's a crackhead. Anyway, he was talking about how the culture of Washington was so polluted with dishonesty and double-talk. No, THAT IS THE CULTURE OF THE COUNTRY AS A WHOLE! Maybe if assholes in Georgia and Texas (and the entire country, basically) stopped sending us dishonest, double talking wangs, DC culture would be a little more tolerable. These crackers have me riled up.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Buzz's Bitz: In Step With Drake Studebake

________________________________________

Age: 27

Gender/Ethnicity: Male/Caucasian

Citizenship: Dual United States/Britain

Location: Kabul, Afghanistan

Position: Senior Editor, Kabul Weekly

Recent Achievements: Published in Washington Post 5/17/05

Blog: A Sign The Color Red

Favorite Quote: "Afghanistan remains in a deep energy crisis"

When Drake rules the World, there will be a: drinking and driving lane on the beltway.
________________________________________
(c) 2005 Buzz's Bitz, Inc.

Monday, May 16, 2005

This Story is just plain wacky!

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Read about Washed Up Mute Piano Man......you won't believe this one!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

I like this


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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Barry White Gets Da Pussy

So in the summer of 1998 I did a summer writing program at Brown. I didn't learn anything about writing but I made out with some girls. I also made a bootleg Andre the Giant sticker with Barry White on it. I ended up meeting the guy who made all the Andre stickers in the first place. He was nice enough to drive me and some other sticker-makers to the creepy Giant warehouse. It was strange, because he shot up on the way to the warehouse, and we all got a bit bugged out. He said he was a diabetic. Now he has our sticker, among other bootlegs, on his web site. It looked like this:

I bought a t-shirt from him. I still wear it.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Arianna Huffington: Theiving Bitch!

Well it was bound to happen sometime. Some stupid socialite stole the idea behind Botz Thoughtz and is getting all the credit for it. Arianna Huffington just launched a new blog today that has multiple contributors, about 300 of them, from B-List actors to Neocon sonofabitch David Frum. They also report quasi-news, such as this supposedly breaking story about a Doomsday Device in Saudi Arabia set to go off if the country is invaded. I suppose the Saudis' theory is this: invade us and you can say bye-bye to the world's supply of oil and hello to your new future living in the movie Roadwarrior. Of course by the looks of things, Bush won't be invading Saudi Arabia anytime soon. Besides, the book is by the author of Case Closed: Lee Harvey Oswald and the Assassination of JFK....which summarizes that Oswald acted alone, an anti-conspracy theory which is complete hogwash in my opinion. I am getting away from my point. Arianna Huffington ripped off my idea and seems to be flourishing in it. Oh well, at least I'm not this guy.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Good News and Bad News from DJ Bot Wheaton

There is good and bad in all things. DJ Bot Wheaton is a living example of this. The good is that he'll be in DC this summer going to Nats games and making sure that good people get radio stations. The bad is that he's planning to release a solo record at the same time. Demo tapes of the planned first single, "2021314," have leaked out of the studio, and, unfortunately, they suck. Hopefully the finished product will be a bit better than this rough mix of the first third of that single.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Faking the Band

It's now eighteen hours after the fact and no doubt you all are still reeling from Puffy's decision to extend the casting process through another season and give only three hopefuls a pass to the next round. So what the fuck is his problem? He is a pathetic little man perched atop a rapidly crumbling empire. He is the same man who has signed a mixed-ethnicity boy band (featuring, among others, a five year old with no eyebrows) who sing about walking girls home after school and dancing on top of school buses. My advice for the next season of Making the Band 3: shoot yourself in the fucking head and save us all the frustration. I will continue this later with an in-depth analysis of the three survivors and more on Puffy's inability to close his mouth even when his face is resting.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Rolling Stones Tour???


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Apparently the Stones will be making a suprise announcement at the Juliard next week. Could it be an upcoming tour? Could Keith Richards look any more like a monkey? Could someone please tell me what last night's powerball numbers were?

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Weekend Botz Shotz coming soon

I've decided I am going to make this one of those blogs that posts a lot of photos. I took some Botz Shotz out in the Kuntry (Upperville, VA) last weekend. I also have some good ones at the Nationals game on Sunday night. At one point I tried to take a shot of a posse of girls who I was with, but as I reached for my camera I dropped my plastic Miller Lite bottle which landed perfectly straight on the ground. Due to some physics, all the beer shot straight upward like a Geyser and landed directly on the head of the man sitting next to me, a total stranger who I think may have actually been NY Times writer Paul Krugman. They were pretty good seats by the dugout. And we were playing the New York Mets. Hmmmm. If it was him, I apologize for the beer shower and I'd like to say that I like your op-ed pieces, but Bob Herbert continues to shit on all the competition. Look for Botz Shotz coming soon, and also more Botz music like this classic hit from 2005.

Friday, April 29, 2005

A Challenge


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Break into the house of my friend, who we shall call "Bruce", and steal the above pictured Redskins Superbowl rings. Now, this is no easy feat. For one, Bruce's house is a fortress. Second, there are two ferocious guard dogs roaming the premises. Third, Bruce himself is a raving lunatic. And finally, they are kept in an impenetrable safe. Who is up for this? Email the dentist.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Please take the "Girlfriends" quiz

at www.brownskinmag.com to find out which of the "Girlfriends" you are. I am Joan.

What the fuck have I been talking about?

Does anyone know what the hell I have been talking on this blog so far? You got me. Last night I went to Adam's Morgan and played a 4 foot tall hispanic man in pool. He was wearing a three-piece suit and wasn't that good except that he was good enough to beat me. In fact, right when I lost, so did the Nationals to Philadelphia. Interesting enough, my friend Amos, who lives in Philadelphia, is a Nationals fan and recently played a midgit in ping-pong. So life is all woven together and shit.......

Friday, April 22, 2005

Is this a Galactic Satan?

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These days I am starting to wonder if my athiesm is actually misplaced. While the bible is defintitely the greatest story ever sold, the concept of a big bang simply does not rule out a higher power. If such a creationist power exists, applying the law of physics could only mean one thing: Galactic Satan.

Comcast Sues Orioles Over Television Rights (washingtonpost.com)

Comcast Sues Orioles Over Television Rights (washingtonpost.com):

"'Comcast has been offered the opportunity to distribute the Nationals' games,' Whitelaw said. 'Comcast has not accepted that offer but has outrageously demanded an ownership interest in MASN and has responded to our offer by filing a lawsuit against the Orioles, purposely designed to inflame the Washington fans. That unfounded suit filed today will not deter MASN in its efforts to present the Nationals' games. It should not be forgotten that MASN will pay the Nationals $20 million in rights fees for this season.'"


Don't believe him. He works for Angelos. He is an Asshole. If the MASN fails, the Nats should get their TV rights back. The Nats get $20 mil regardless this season. If MASN doesn't make any money this season, that $20 goes from Angelos' pocket into the Nats payroll. Nats fans should side with comcast, and good move filing in montgomery county.

DJ Bot Wheaton, Esq.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

You can remove my feeding tube now.

This weekend I was in New Orleans. I stayed through Monday and now I am back at work and its Tuesday and I am officially braindead. Somehow I actually get work done like this. When I'm not braindead I am aware of how much work sucks. Right now I simply hate being conscious and doing work is like being dead. So be it. New Orleans is an absurd place. If you can escape the Bourbon street bullshit, it's an amazing city. On Friday night I flew in late, got hammered and lost my wallet on Bourbon Street, driver's license and all. Losing a wallet on Bourbon Street is like dropping a half-eaten doughnut into a pit full of rats. The thing is gone. Get over it. That is what I did. I went back to my friend's hotel where I was not even a registered guest and sat there dejected realizing no driver's license or anything means I am, by law, a "vagrant"...and I won't be leaving New Orleans on my flight either. After seeing in New Orleans some of the most depressing vagrants ever- literally dudes who were covered in dirt- I had the sudden realization that I was now going to be one of those people. Damn. Then by some miracle of God I discovered that some angel had found my wallet on the street, and using the small piece of paper on which I scribbled the hotel name, had brought it to the front desk of the hotel, who I had called (I still don't remember why I called them). Amazing. Although the cash was gone and I had already cancelled my ATM card, I was no longer a "vagrant". Soon I borrowed some cash and quadrupled it at Harra's casino. That process continued all weekend. At times I would find myself being transported instantanously from handing a stripper a twenty-dollar bill to being asked by a Blackjack dealer if I want to hit or stay. Of course, it was a bit confusing when I got the two scenarios mixed up and shoved a twenty-dollar bill down a blackjack dealer's pants and asked a stripper to hit me. She did. As I collapsed backwards, feeling somewhat aroused as I lost consciousness, I heard her say it..."Blackjack".

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Pope John Sizzle

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The following is a translation of the Last Will and Testament of Pope John Paul II.

I thank everyone so sit back relax else jacks get smacked. Of everyone I ask forgivizzles. I also ask dat da mercy of God may appear hustla 'n unworthiness like old skool shit. Dur'n tha spiritual exercises I reread tha testament of tha Holy Cracka Pizzy VI. Thizzat read'n prompted me ta write this testament. I leave no property behind me of which it is necessary ta dispose fo shizzle. As fo` tha everyday objects tizzy were of use ta me, I ask they be distributed as seems appropriate. My personal notes is ta be burned. I ask that this be attended ta by Gangsta Stanislaw (Eds sho nuff: his personal secretizzles Archbishop Stanislaw Dziwisz), W-H-to-tha-izzom I thank fo` his collaborizzles n hiznelp, so prolonged over tha years n so understand'n. As fo` all otha thanks, I leave them in mah heart before God Himself, cuz it is difficult ta express them. Hollaz to the East Side.

As fo` tha funeral, I repeat tha same disposizzles as were given by tha Holy Bitch Paul VI cuz its a G thang. (It dont stop till the wheels fall off: burial in tha bare earth, not in a sarcophizzles 13.3.92) but real niggaz don't give a fuck. "Apud Dominum misericordia et copiosa apud Eum redemptio." (betta check yo self: Latin fo` "wit tha Lord there is mercy, n wit Him plentiful redemption.")

Respek.

John Pizzy where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin' II
Rome, 6.III.1979

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Breakpoints Word of the Year

Well once again the word Panties has been chosen as the Breakpoints Word of the Year. The word is intense. A lot of people hate the word. One of them is that bama on TV called Nick Lachey. I overheard him talking to his wife, supermodel Ashley Spears, and he said, and I quote: "Panties....I hate that word". Well guess what, Nick? We hate you. Panties is a beautifully crafted word. There are many variations too- just add these words before it: satin, thong, moist. It is so playful. I love it. Perhaps the weather has something to do with it. The Word of the Year is always chosen on the first nice day of spring. Today was 80s and sunny. That is panties weather. It is also Ducati weather. Can you hear them out there? Somewhere a beautiful girl is riding a Ducati. And she is wearing panties. Thank God for springtime.

Monday, April 04, 2005

The Nats lost, but you can still win

Tuesday, 4/5/05, from 8 to 9pm EST, peep radiovolta.org, for the Shambolic Show. Its Bots radio, with a touch of class. Tell that lil bitch Vicky to holler at me.

1920-2005

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No, I'm not a Cattle-lake, but I respek the Pope.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Oh My F*cking God....No he didn't!

I just was told that Bush has enacted a federal law naming March 31st "Terri Schiavo Remembrance Day". That is so lame. Will we get a day off work?

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Happy Easter from DJ Bot Wheaton


Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Oh Snap! They just released the Cobra

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I already had my panties in a bunch over the 2005 Mustang GT but now I am learning that just today Detriot has unleashed the 2005 Ford Shelby Cobra GT500. Snap Crackle Pop! Below you can compare the two. If these cars don't interest you, then read this article cuz you stink!

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The Piping Hot 2005 Mustang


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Finally Mustangs are out of their decades long wack phase. The 2005s are Piping Hot.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Informal Breakpoints political poll

Breakpoints conducted a Google search to find out who talks more shit, Republicans or Democrats. I expected the Republicans to take the cake for sure. The results were suprising:
"Republicans are idiots" - 1,190 hits
"Democrats are idiots" - 707 hits
This probably reflects that Democrats are more internet savvy while your average Republican fears change and therefore stays clear of the web. Although the God of all Republicans, Karl Rove, seems to be knowledgeable of the internet. He has even seen this fucking blog personally (see I just met Karl Rove). And, one Republican did manage to create www.democratsareidiots.com. I should also point out that www.republicansareidiots.com exists as well. I am thinking of forming my own website: www.democratsandrepublicansarebothidiots.com. Fuck this. I am an independent, and so far they are not being assaulted on the web.
"Independents are idiots" - 3 hits.

Friday, March 18, 2005

I drank 45 Guinni last night

Taking part in the worldwide Guinness marketing event known as St. Patrick's Day, like a good bot I drank about 45 pints of Guinness last night. Amazingly enough, I was still functionable by the end of the night. I even got into a fucking hour long discussion outside my house with my Sudanese cab driver about world affairs. That was an intense conversation. Almost as weird as my meeting with Karl Rove. But I expected to wake up for work today looking like Shane in the previous picture, but instead I feel pretty good except that I have taken 5 charcoal-black dumps and it's not even lunchtime yet. Oh well, I'll drink to that.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

freakin micks



I'm not irish but I dated a girl named Erin for a while when I was 14. I'll drink to that.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

This is clossic

Below is an email I received from the support team at Blogharbor, where my old blog used to be.

Peter,

Would it be safe to assume that you would like to cancel your account? I
saw this on your blog:

> Although my new blog is free and I had to pay the fuckers at BlogHarbor
every month. That might have something to do with it.<

so I am wondering if you would like us to cancel your account.

Though I did not appreciate the "fuckers at BlogHarbor" reference, I did
find the "Holy SHIRT, I just met Karl Rove" post surreal and it more than
made up for any insult I might have felt. ;-)

Just let us know if you would like to stay on or not.

John Keegan
BlogHarbor Support Team
support@blogharbor.com

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Rockmaster General, RIP

For fans of Rockmaster General, this Friday at some dump in Virginia called the Laughing Lizard Lounge is the last Rockmaster show ever. You can't miss this one. I'll drive...assuming the Virginia State Police plan to end their enforcement of drunk driving laws in the next three days.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Tranzilate Anythizzle

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Imagine those DC hatz along wid this ride:


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Wednesday, March 09, 2005

DJ Bot Wheaton-endorsed analog headgear

Sunday, March 06, 2005

I just met Karl Rove

I just met the man responsible for the Presidency and policies of George W. Bush. Read about it on my old Blog. He asked me for the web address and he is going to be reading it tonight. This is not a joke.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

One Leg Up

I want to throw some light on rocking "one leg up." You don't see it much these days, but like 10 years ago it was all over the place. Basically the deal was if you rolled one of your pant legs up you were looking to buy drugs and if you rolled the other one up you were looking to sell some shit. I never bought drugs with my pants, so I never knew which was which. Was there a nationwide standard? Something like "Left-Leg Looking"? I honestly don't know and want to find out, so if you know, tell me.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

1985 Ford Tempo (White) A.K.A. Poor White Trash


This is the car Bot Wheaton fell off. It had bucket seats. I found this photo at www.mycarsucks.com. Its owner thought Tempo meant "Temporary Transportation" because it broke down a lot. My Tempo didn't break down once, even after being in serious accidents that were usually connected in some way to this. Man, I miss Poor White Trash. Damn!

Monday, February 28, 2005

My future's so bright it burns ants.

Can I get confirmation from anyone on whether it does or does not hurt much if your foot gets run over by a car? I've always felt like it wouldn't really and I'm close to trying it.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Jeff Gannon, White House Slut

For those who despise reading about politics, just bear with me on this one: It's worth it. A couple months ago I was watching a press conference with Bush. Now Bush is not the brighest bulb in the drawer. When asked questions he is not prepared for, he usually blanks out like the stoned guy in algebra class. For instance, once a reporter asked if he had any "regrets" to which Bush froze up and eventually said "You know, I just -- I'm sure something will pop into my head here". Nothing ever did pop into his head. Nothing is in his head. That said, you shouldn't be suprised that Bush pays reporters to ask him easy questions. Take reporter Jeff Gannon, for instance. This guy was a no-name writer at two unheard of websites called GOPUSA and Talon News, yet he seemed to have an "all access" pass to the White House. Gannon seemed to get entry to the White House whenever he wanted, and he would always get picked by Bush during press conferences to ask questions like "Democrats are divorced from reality -how are you going to work with them, Mr. President?". Eventually, people got fed up with Gannon. His connections to the White House -including that he was being paid- began to surface in the blogosphere. Then suddenly the Holy Grail of anti-Bush blogging was discovered: Jeff Gannon's real name was James Guckert, and he was a military-themed, Washington DC area gay prostitute. Obviously, this was the end of Jeff Gannon, GOPUSA and Talon News. But the best part is that this Bush Press Mole got truly Whacked by the Bloggers. To them I say "Respek"- good whacking. To see shots from Gannon's now defunct porn/prostitution websites, including HotMilitaryStud.com, click here, here, here and here. Word. Get at me blog. Don't forget about this though.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Off Tha Earth featuring Flechette, Altitude and MC MLXXIX

Big up to Realistic Records for hosting the latest Botz trax. Listen to it here.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

We bot the big one.

This weekend was unruly. On Friday night the Botz were at it again, laying down tracks for a brand new Botz hit called "Off tha Earth". This song is the first song on our new album, Botzanova -coming out this spring. Featuring Altitude, Flechette and myself, this shit is going to cause major stir in the rap world. By now you are probably asking yourself: "Bot how can I listen to Off tha Earth?" Don't worry. We are working on it. The song is so hot it literally melted my keyboard. Check back in the next 24 hours. For now, listen to this hype shit.

Friday, February 18, 2005

What was Britney thinking?

Derek, please no more videos that automatically pop up. They are annoying.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Why I need a new alarm clock

The other day I had one those mornings where I glanced over at my "Realistic" brand early 80s clock radio with simulated wood and had no choice but to rip it from the wall and hurl it into the ground, exploding it instantly into about 53 pieces. This felt good except ever since I have used my cell-phone alarm to wake up. Now, using your cell-phone as an alarm clock requires that you leave it turned on, not on silent, all night. If you appreciate sleep, this can be a problem. Take last night, for instance. Last night a Breakpoints contributor, who shall remain anonymously Bot Broadus, called me about 4-6 times between midnight and 2:OO am. Here is the official transcript of the messages he left:

Message No. 1:
"Breakpoints, Motherfucker makes points, When I come through I be like a snake, when I annoint....to the Charmer, Motherfuckers know I be the DC Bomber, You can't get more calmer than Mo, I be like embalming fluid on ho's, making them smoke...my dick up their nose.......[UNINTELLIGIBLE]............."

Message No. 2:
".................[UNINTELLIGIBLE]............."

Message No. 3:
"......[UNINTELLIGIBLE].............[GRAPHIC].................."

Message No. 4:
"........I'm watching a midget play ping pong.....Fuck that shit, I will lay a fat chick tonight, that is my way, my dick is.....[UNINTELLIGIBLE].............[UNINTELLIGIBLE & GRAPHIC]..............[UNBLOGGABLE]........."

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

$21 Million

What a waste of fucking money those stupid orange curtains in Central Park are.

Jagger/Richards Memory Loss Watch Alert


This blog also reports anytime Mick Jagger or Keith Richards' memory loss is mentioned in the press. It seems the two Stones rockers have forgotten years of their lives, with Keith literally not recogizing ever haven't worked on certain albums. This is not because they are old, its because they are awesome. Anyways, here is a recent tid bit featured in a story about P-Diddy not finishing his autobiography:

"Combs is not the first musician who failed to meet the deadline for delivery of his life's story. Years ago, Mick Jagger received a seven-figure advance to write his memoirs. He eventually returned the money, saying he couldn't remember anything of significance."

Monday, February 14, 2005

Harvey aka Lincoln's secretary

I would like to thank Flechette for posting that incredible photo of our friend Harvey standing next to Abraham Lincoln. Harvey is in Africa right now. Does anyone have a recent photo of him and/or his email address? He is probably being raped by a baboon as we speak. But I suppose that is better than being Gay-braham Lincoln's personal man-secretary. How about them Lincoln logz? Did you know that Frank Lloyd Wright's son invented Lincoln Logs? Did you?

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Time travelling

Well, Here's a picture of Harvey with Abraham Lincoln:

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Like, what is this?

Oh my God. We are sooooooo drunk! We just met some guy called T-Bot at the Local 16 bar and he is T-Hot~ ;) Anyways, he brought us to his mansion where he has a Cascading Chocolate Fountain. Hmmmmmmm. Before we become his personal chocolate-covered strawberries, he said we *had* to write on his blog. So here it is. Ok Byeeee!
-Paris & Krystal

women

I happily logged on to this blog today to find out all the dumb shit that you assholes had written, and there was just one little fucking sorry thing about a sandstorm. I think we might need some women to spice this thing up. Tommy--a word of advice--go invite some little whores from "local 116" or "aroma" or some shit so we can cream all over them online. I'm outta here.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Sandstorm


I didn't trip the fire alarm
I didn't cause any harm
But Sandy and me were naughty
And oh shit here comes the Maitre d'
I must flee this dorm
I need cover. I need a sandstorm

Thursday, February 10, 2005

macca

I just spent so long registering for this horse sh#t. I do not have a job, nor do I have anything to do with my pathetic time. In fact, I practically had to beg Tommy to invite me onto this bullshit. For you ignorant fools, "Macca" is the cute British nickname for sir Paul McCartney--the biggest fraud in rock and roll history. I'm sure that John Lennon was screaming inside the gates of hell while Macca shook his ass like a frantic thanksgiving turkey with a bass guitar stapled to its wing. Otherwise, as Pete Bauer wisely pointed out, Tom Brady is the kind of guy you've been fighting against all your life..."why can't you be more like Tom Brady?"...and he once again proved, with not a "Little Help From His Friend" Macca, that the pricks always win. Now I've gotta go finish off this week's Us Weekly and a 32 of bud lite on the can.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

This really means a lot to you

I just want to sincerely thank the entire cast for this invitation. Now, you may find my participation sporadic, my writing dull and my punctuation egregious but I will continue to unfairly blame the DC public school system.
I should tell the rest of you (I've spoken with tommy privately about this already) that I intend to contribute mainly by posting my inventions and cartoons. I don't have a scanner, I don't have a computer and I don't draw particularly well. I'll see you in 6-8 months.
PS Amos' super bowl essay was brilliant.

I was watching Murder, She Wrote

So did Paul McCartney show some tits?
Im glad to see that our friends are now measured by their blog-ability. I thought it used to be by how often they would ride in the trunk driving back from Las Placetas.
Monty McBot

super blow

Bot Broaduss checking in - Philly correspondent, born and raised in Mt. Pleasant, DC, a child of Mayor for Life Murion Burry, and Coach "Joe" Gibbs. As such, I've experienced the breath-taking high that is Super Bowl victory, and I remember the feeling that accompanies a trip to the ultimate in civic joy. In 3rd grade, before the Skins played the Broncoes, we had an assembly at school - a pep rally type deal. 2 sisters had just moved from Colorado, and the principal introduced them and talked about how they were from a different state and were Broncoes fans. I distinctly remember our teachers leading us in booing the little girls. In 91 the city rode the bandwagon to Minneapolis, then me and some friends skipped school to ride the Metro to the Mall and watch the Hogs and the Posse and the Capitol Defense march on home.

So, like I said, I know victory, something I never fail to remind my good friends here in Philly. I came here expecting to find jaded, bitter, world-weary fans, the result of so many near misses (I think choke might be more appropriate). And, to confirm the rumor, yes many fans here are vile, ignorant, and scary. And fat. But not nearly all. The loud one's just overpower the rest. As the season wore on, a semblance of hope appeared, and I was able to differentiate the true fans - one's who support their team and city - from the bile spewers, who just have on a green jersey but actually are self loathing chumps.

Now, we all know how it ended, but its been interesting to observe the whole thing go down from a basically objective perspective. I've got 2 housemates who are my Philly equivalents (diehard Eagles, Sixers, Phillies fans) 0ne from Harveyland, VA, who's a Skins fan, and to make things interesting, a female Patriots fan who thinks Tom Brady has honey dipped pubes. So, emotions in here have run the gamut. I must confess, being immersed in a near title run (or, title walk, on that last drive) was kind of thrilling. DC hasn't seen anything like that since I was in 7th grade, so it really stirred up some long buried emotions. See, pro sports, for all its faults, brings out the best in a city in the way nothing else can. Let's face it, no matter how good the local philharmonic is, no one's gonna take to the streets after they hit that last note. So, was I rooting for the Eagles? My burgundy and gold blood wouldn't allow it. But I did appreciate what was going on in the city. The Saturday before the Super Bowl, the retarded man who bags my groceries was repeating, "E-A-G-L-E-S, Eagles!" the entire time I was in the store, probably 30 minutes straight. In many ways this kind of summed up the city the last couple weeks - a blind, childlike devotion to a bunch of millionaires who people thought would, or at least should, make things right in the city. Always in the air, always in your face. I was simultaneously disgusted, a tad bit inspired, and jealous as hell. It was hard, all this energy in the air, but it wasn't quite my energy, cuz the team wasn't mine, and it wasn't my air, cuz this isn't my city. So as the clock ticks downs, and it becomes apparent that the Eagles have succeeded in losing a very winnable game, I become a little gloomy. Mostly it was, again, a reflection of what was in the air. The folks around me were somber, bitter, and feeling slightly abandoned - a return to the Philly sporting culture I was expecting to find here. It made me sad, seeing my friends so despondent, and I know I would have been feeling the same way. So, to the Eagles fans, I'm sorry. The world is a cruel place. Some of us have Dan Snyder as the owner of our football team, so things could be a lot worse. And they will be, in 2005. Hail to the Redskins.

Monday, February 07, 2005

"Its just that I work with a bunch of monkeys"

Did anyone see this commercial during the Superbowl where the guy is the only human in an office full of monkeys? He is on the phone and he says "I apologize sir. I'll correct it myself. Its just that I work with a bunch of monkeys". Well its funny to me because I started this group blog and assumed that the other contributors would be able to handle the simple process of accepting the invitation, logging on, creating a profile, and contributing their thoughts with at least a slight appreciation for grammar. The results so far, like this fucking retarded post called "My images willnt internet", are truly, utterly pathetic. And imagine, these are the smart ones who were at least able to log on. I apologize. Its just that I work with a bunch of fucking monkeys.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

My images willnt internet

How does Flickr work? How can I get images on the web for other bloggers to blog at.
Any thoughts, T-Boz?
Cheers
M

Friday, February 04, 2005

Giving Birth to a blog

Honestly, I understand now how it feels to be a woman. This blog is like a baby with a giant-sized head that is lodged between my legs, screaming to come out. After hours of labor, though, I think it is finally here. We decided to call it Break Points after significant brainstorming. There was something magical about it. I am T-Bot, the administrator, or as altitude likes to call me, the Editor in Chief. Altitude is the newest member. He comes from a background in writing, having received a Masters from NYU. In fact, he just quit his job at a magazine to write for Break Points. So welcome on board, altitude! My background is more dynamic. I study international politics with a minor in mining. This is my old blog. I am quite tired today. Last night I had a party and it simply never ended. My last memory is holding onto the side of a moving car with some kind of snow board on my feet. I don't even think there was much snow on the ground either. Wow, imagine the friction! If anyone knows anything about the satanic symbols burned into my forehead, please email me.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

bench seating cues

this is altitude, I want to apologize for the smallish bench seating variations pictures cuase I didnt save em big and thought they would get big. Any interest please let me know and I will re post em bigger for good viewing. I find the kid in the roller boat worth a look as well as the diagrams of bench seating. Are bench seats only for making out? No! they allow six adults to ride in comfort, and here we sit around listening toadds about five adults seated comfortably, who cares? Who cares about anything? I dont.

IDGAFAA
that is the ticket

Bench Seating Variants

WHat happened to break points? I sort of was getting into it?

Here are some more variations on a theme of bench seating

can anyone direct me to new cars with the option?









bench seating













This is for something called a "jet boat" can someone explain, is this liek a bad ass bass boat, or a hovercraft or what, and I have been on many boats, is this seat desirable?

Bench seating

here they are !!!!!:


Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Welcome to Break Points

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Tonight I am here to present to you the greatest achievement that the World, perhaps the entire Galaxy, has ever seen. Allow me to introduce you to Break Points, the official blog of The Botz.

---Applause----

Break Points is a culmination of insight reaching as far back as the dawn of time and as far forward as the end of the future. Through a digital army of Botz stationed in the 2005 metropolises of Washington D.C., Philadelphia, New Haven and New York, Break Points will ruthlessly dominate the Blogosphere whilst spreading its inherently glorious message. Break Points will offer literature, photos, music and art that in lightyears will be considered more Divine than what is known today as God. Enjoy.

PS: The other Botz need to pass an apptitude test first. They cometh soon.